“I was a happy child from about five to seven. That’s when we got taken from our mother and sent to live with our aunt. I remember waking up on Christmas, snow on the ground, my uncle outside hanging up lights. Beautiful memories. But at one point it all stopped, and after that I just remember screaming. My uncle would scare me to the point where I’d piss myself. He was never satisfied until that happened. My aunt tried to stand up for me. Whenever my uncle said: ‘That’s not my son,’ she’d tell him: ‘We decided to do this.’ But eventually he stopped loving her too and after that the hatred was coming from everywhere. I tried to suicide myself before I knew what suicide was. But I made it through. I’ve been on my own now since the age of nineteen and haven’t been evicted once. I wish I drank less. But I’ve been strong, I’ve been working. I hang around with people older than me and they don’t necessarily have something of their own. They see me, and they’re like, ‘You’re ill. You’re getting up and going to work every day. You’re holding it down.’ But am I happy? I’ve experienced glimpses of happiness, but I’ve never been truly happy. I still battle a lot of things. The other day I woke up screaming, like fuck! But I’ve got to be here for something. I have a friend named Dre; he knows things about me, and he says: ‘For you to still be here– you’re here for a reason. You’ve got to see it through to the end– to find out what it all means.’ What I’d really love is to finally have some freedom one day. Not having to think about what I’m going to eat tomorrow, things like that. I feel like it’s coming at some point. And when it does, I’m going straight back to my aunt and uncle. No anger, nothing. Because I want them to be free too. They were also abused, mind you. They showed me the marks. My aunt also tried to commit suicide. They were never happy. They were never free. But they tried their hardest to survive. They still tried for me, I know that. And if I ever get some freedom, if I ever get some happiness, I want them to feel it too.” “