But money didn’t suddenly make him good at being a father.
He stared at me for a second.
He brought too many stuffed animals the first day.
He tried to talk to Ben like they already belonged to each other.
He asked Lucy if she wanted to come see his car, and she hid behind me so fast he looked slapped.
Later, outside Marilyn’s room, I told him, “You don’t get to arrive as a father. You arrive as a stranger.”
He stared at me for a second.
Then he nodded.
Marilyn stared at the blanket in her lap.
“You’re right.”
One evening I walked into Marilyn’s hospital room with coffee and heard her say, “Do not confuse guilt with love.”
Daniel was standing by the window, shoulders tight.
“I don’t,” he said. “I knew what love was when I was young. I was just too weak to protect it.”
Marilyn stared at the blanket in her lap.
Then she whispered, “You broke me.”
That was the first crack.
He answered, “I know.”
There was a long silence after that.
Then she said, “I hated you for a very long time.”
He nodded. “You had every right.”
She looked exhausted.
“Now I’m too tired to hate anybody.”
That was the first crack.
Daniel caught me in the hallway after one of those calls.
Around the same time, Dana kept pulling my attention back to the life still waiting for me outside all this.
Missed calls from her doctor.
Pharmacy notices.
Voicemails about authorizations.
One text that just said: Call me when you can. Don’t panic.
Which, obviously, made me panic.
I was too tired to defend it.
Daniel caught me in the hallway after one of those calls.
“What happened?”
“Nothing.”
“That’s a lie.”
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