My Older Son Died – When I Picked Up My Younger Son from Kindergarten, He Said, ‘Mom, My Brother Came to See Me’

Noah’s dialogue is believable, but you could vary his reactions slightly. Kids often mix imagination and reality in messier ways—adding one moment where he contradicts himself or misunderstands something could make it even more authentic.

If your goal was a psychological drama about grief and vulnerability, it’s working. If you were aiming for horror, you’re actually closest to real-world horror, which tends to linger longer anyway.

If you want, I can help you:

• tighten it into a publishable short story
• rewrite it in a cleaner literary style
• or push it further into thriller/horror territory